A packed room at Harrison Square Presbyterian Church on Thursday evening brought together students and teachers, Republicans and Democrats, friends and family to honor Kay (Marit) Odegaard on what would have been her 86th birthday.
Everyone sang “Happy Birthday” to her.
Kay died on Sept. 8 in Centralia with her husband, Gary, by her side.
Former state Sen. Gary Odegaard, a Democrat, described his wife as “a mighty woman.”
“She was a bright light and had a bigger heart,” he said, adding that she had a tough childhood with a nice mother but a father who was not a nice person. “It was tough for her to overcome. I think that’s why she became such a strong, determined, stubborn, independent person.”
What struck me most was the bipartisanship on display at her memorial service, especially at a time when politics has grown so divisive with demonizing of people who hold opposing viewpoints.
Former Republican state Rep. J. Vander Stoep said Kay requested that he sing “Amazing Grace” at her funeral.
“At Westminster in Chehalis, we have a trained soloist who sings beautifully, and you’re about to learn it’s not me,” he said. “So, I don’t think that’s the main reason she wanted me to sing this hymn today.
“I think part of it is we had a shared passion for community support and public service, but I think an even deeper reason is that in this world where Kay and Gary and I come from opposite sides of the giant political divide in America, where there’s so much hatred and anger generated every day on both sides, we didn’t hate each other. We loved each other as brother and sister, and I think that the hymn that she wanted me to sing tells you why.”
Retired Rev. Ralph Carr reiterated that sentiment, recalling when Kay and Gary joined the congregation at Westminster Presbyterian Church.
“They were certainly leaders in the church, but for once in this congregation that is known for its political leaders that are on the Republican side, we finally had some good standing strong Democrats, and as J. said, they loved each other,” he said.
He noted that her interest in providing housing for those without it dated back to the 1990s, when she served on a program committee to organize shelters. She more recently served on the board of Hope Housing Collaborative, which is building Shalom Village in Centralia to provide transitional housing to homeless people.
“My mom’s accomplishments and honors are many, but I believe the opening of the nearby Shalom village might be her greatest legacy,” son Greg said, adding he would donate to the village in her honor and encouraging others to do so too. “She spent the last 10 years or so of her life helping diligently to get this important local resource built.”
Her son Jeff described his mother as amazing as a mother, grandmother, wife, friend and teacher.
“She set the bar pretty high for everyone by leading by example,” he said. “She wasn’t always at the front of the room, but she was always in the room.”
After learning of her difficult childhood, I choked up a bit at his words: “It pained me at times to see that she couldn’t recognize her own greatness and the significant impact she had on so many.”
“Kay was truly a follower of Jesus,” Rev. Carr said. “She was very, very, very much like Jesus. … I wasn’t there when she left this earth and went to heaven, but my guess is she was greeted with these words: ‘Well done, good and faithful servant.’”
As he left the sanctuary, Gary shook hands with retired Chehalis attorney Rene Remund, a well-known Republican, again showing friendship and respect between people of different parties.
I interviewed Kay and Gary more than a decade ago for a history book called “Centralia College: Its People and Their Stories.” Both taught at Centralia College and their two sons, Greg and Jeff, graduated from there.
Kay, who was born in Bremerton on Oct. 1, 1940, grew up in Seattle and graduated from Shoreline High School in 1958. She met Gary, who was raised in Sumas, Wash., while attending Western Washington College, where he graduated in business education and she earned a teaching degree in 1962. They married more than 63 years ago, on June 8, 1963.
She taught at Grand Mound and Onalaska before starting their family. She then substituted as reading specialist in Onalaska when Gary, who held that job, served as a 20th District representative and later state senator in Olympia until 1980. He served during a turbulent time when Olympia clamored for its own college and local governance, which led to Centralia College splitting in two and creation of South Puget Sound Community College.
Kay taught reading at Centralia College, worked in the high school completion program and cofounded the Phoenix Learning Center, today called the Odegaard Phoenix Center in their honor. It helps students obtain a diploma or GED and provides remedial math, reading, and writing assistance to struggling students. She retired in 1997 after 34 years of teaching, two dozen of those at Centralia College. She specialized in working with students with learning disabilities.
Kay donated time and money to charities, served as an elder and deacon at Westminster Presbyterian Church, and became president of the Lewis County chapter of the American Association of University Women. She was a founding member of the Sojourner Truth House (providing shelter and services for abused women and children), served on the Reliable Enterprises board and the Literacy Council, and volunteered at Love Inc. for many years.
“Kay was not raised with a political family, but guess what? She was married to me,” Gary said with a laugh. “I’ve asked her many times if you knew what you were getting into, would you have married me? I never got an answer.”
She became active in the Democrat Party, chaired the Lewis County chapter, organized the 3rd Congressional District Democrat convention and became Lewis County Democrat of the Year in 1987. She even served as a national elector in 1980 but, as Gary said, she couldn’t cast her ballot because Jimmy Carter didn’t carry Washington State.
Her son Greg described himself as his parents’ “honeymoon baby,” arriving just nine months after they married, and recalled his mom insisting at the Southwest Washington Fair that the mother-daughter lookalike contest should allow mothers and sons to compete. They did — and they won. He also recalled vacationing at Ocean Shores on Aug. 16, 1977, when his mother disappeared from the checkout stand after a clerk told a customer that Elvis had died. She had been an Elvis fan since the 1950s.
“And now, 20 years later, she was generally sad that he died,” Greg said. “I don’t think I ever saw my mom being as vulnerable as she was that day.”
I was honored in April when Gary and Kay, along with their daughter-in-law Ann, Greg’s wife, attended my McMenamins Olympic Club History Pub presentation on “The Reluctant Pioneer,” Matilda Koontz Jackson.
Kay and Gary traveled extensively, spent winters in Arizona for 21 years, and took their five grandchildren on trips in their RV. They also have three great-grandchildren.
As we sang the folk hymn “They Will Know We Are Christians,” I recalled learning the song at a Catholic church in Colorado and singing it more recently at Toledo First Baptist.
“I think that song sums up exactly who Kay is,” said Dr. Carol McLaughlin, bridge pastor at Westminster Presbyterian. “I saw her resilience and I saw her struggles. I caught glimpses of her pain alongside her steadfastness. One of the things I so much admired was her sense of abiding faith.”
She shared four phrases most important to people near the end of their lives: Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.
“May we be encouraged to live these words,” she said.
A hearty laugh followed a recollection shared by granddaughter Victoria Landwehr, who described her last visit with her grandmother and the difficulty she had persuading her husband to leave.
“I said to my grandma, ‘This drives me nuts sometimes. I swear you can never get out of the door because he just keeps talking.’ And my grandma just lit up with laughter and said, ‘I have no idea what that must be like.’”
One woman who knew her from church and Facebook pointed out Kay’s tendency lately to refer to herself as a follower of Christ rather than a Christian, a word associated often today with a harsh and intimidating bully pulpit.
“She was someone that I really admired from afar,” the woman said. “I have thought about that statement of being a follower of Christ so many times in the last few weeks, and she to me truly embodied what it is to be a Christian.”
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Julie McDonald, a personal historian from Toledo, may be reached at memoirs@chaptersoflife.com.
