You can’t please everyone.
Why do we even try to please others?
Because we like being liked. If we are honest with ourselves, we do not like it when people do not like us. It makes us think there is something wrong with us. It makes us uncomfortable when someone does not like us or agree with us. I know people, you do too, who say, “I don’t care what other people think.”
This may make the person who says this feel better, but we all care about what others think. We are social beings, and we need to interact and get feedback from others on our behaviors.
But can pleasing others be carried to an extreme?
The answer is a resounding yes.
I know I often reference songs when I am trying to get my point across, but the words of the “Garden Party’’ by Ricky Nelson in the chorus says, “but it’s all right now, I have learned my lesson well. You see you cannot please everyone, so you got to please yourself.”
If you are a people pleaser beyond your comfort level you may benefit by reading on to help you find ways to not be so bothered by what others think.
First and foremost, keep in mind that it is a quirk in humanity that some people are just not going to like you and that is just the way it is. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will be able to get out from underneath the people pleasing burden. Having to please people is a heavy weight to carry. You feel as if your opinions do not matter or you’re afraid to express them because someone may disagree with you.
Wow. That’s a really heavy burden to carry around all the time, don’t you think?
The fact of the matter is people will always have opinions. In fact, most people have an opinion about a lot of things. Those opinions vary depending on your ethnicity, your background, where you grew up, etc. Rightness and wrongness are always subjective. People are just going to differ.
People will always be talking to one another. That is just what we do. Their conversation may involve you, for good or ill. You do not need to be affirmed by everyone. You can simply focus on living your life the way you want to, with and without judgment from others. In fact, the more you seek approval from others, the more you lose control over your own life. The need to please will only end up in regret. Having the need to please others will only make you end up losing you. Losing you means the world will never know the totally unique and beautiful you. So, stop basing your decisions on whether they are going to please someone. Trying to please others will be an endless struggle that only ends in defeatism.
Do not try to always please — even your spouse, your family, your parents — instead, base your decisions on the true you.
Ask yourself, “what do I want to do?”
Lzzy Hale, lead singer and guitarist for the band Halestorm, who is known for pushing conversations about mental health said, “You can’t please everyone. There is always going to be someone who is disappointed, so you might as well make yourself happy, and be you.
Give up being a pleaser and be you.
Practice asking for what you want. Let your opinions be known, even in the face of criticism. If you do, you will be a much happier, contented person for having done so.
Why? Because you will be being true to the one person who ultimately matters, you. So, remember, “you can’t please everyone, so you got to please yourself.”
Show the world who you are and do not apologize for it.
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Richard Stride is the current CEO of Cascade Community Healthcare. He can be reached at drstride@icloud.com.
