Have you ever thought about those things that were told to you by your parents or grandparents? Those gems of wisdom they made sure to share not knowing if we were listening or not?
These nuggets of wisdom are passed down through generations, displaying insights and common sense. Some we eventually learn are not true — only partially true.
Take, for instance, the idiom, “A leopard can’t change its spots,” meaning people don’t change. Despite this, people actually do change. Or what about, “Out of sight out of mind.” We know for a fact that this isn’t always true. Just because you don’t see something doesn’t mean you don’t think about it.
Most of this unsolicited advice is expressed to help us be better people and to get along in the world. All these expressions of life that are passed down from one generation to the next are called folk wisdom. Folk wisdom refers to the wisdom and beliefs associated with people in a particular social stratum or social setting. It finds expression in sayings or proverbs that capture collective experience and observations of life itself.
Folk wisdom, right or wrong, is intended to help us navigate life. It invokes things like willpower as key to a successful self-disciplined, self-controlled life.
Grandparents are particularly good at relaying this wisdom to their grandchildren.
If you have ever doubted the impact that grandparents have on their grandchildren, one survey I read stated that the average adult retains 22 bits of advice from their grandparents.
So, what are some of the folk wisdom sayings that parents and grandparents pass on? Grandparents teach us about the power of being positive. Grandparents have lived long enough to know that harboring bitterness and negativity is no way to live.
They taught us things like, “find the good in others,” “if you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all,” “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar,” “treat others as you would like to be treated,” and “you never know what others are going through.”
These all reflect the importance of being positive. All are excellent ways to make our lives better and have a more positive outlook.
Our parents and grandparents also gave us practical advice to help us get along with others. “You don’t get something for nothing,” “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today,” “don’t buy what you can’t afford,” “cleanliness is next to godliness,” “actions speak louder than words,” “If you’re going to do something, do it right” (which is something my dad would tell me), and “you can’t control others, only your own reactions.”
That’s some pretty cool pop psychology, don’t you think?
Sometimes the sayings are to express the importance of family, such as “blood is thicker than water,” and “you don’t just marry one, you marry the whole family.”
Some of the idioms are just to get us thinking. Something my grandmother and mom would tell me is, “a watched pot never boils.” Because I thought I was smart, I would say, “of course it does. It takes the same time to boil watched as it does unwatched.”
I learned very quickly that I wasn’t so smart, because I completely missed the meaning. A watched pot never boils simply means that time passes very slowly when one is waiting for something to happen if that is the only thing one is thinking about.
Much of the folk wisdom I heard and learned as a child came from my parents’ and grandparents’ lower middle class and working poor backgrounds. Things like, “hard work pays off,” “money doesn’t grow on trees” or “make the most of the opportunities you are given.”
I have tried to remember these, but wasn’t always successful.
When I wasn’t sure I could make it through hard times, I heard, “pray about it,” “this too shall pass” and “failure is never final — it’s an opportunity.”
One of the greatest gifts we receive from parents and grandparents is an unblemished lens of beliefs and values by which we can navigate life. This doesn’t mean we always listened to them, just like our own children or grandchildren don’t necessarily listen to us now. But they do hear you. It’s just cooler for them to pretend they don’t.
My point here is to keep communicating. Even when you are not sure they are listening, keep talking. Believe me — it gets through. Communicating, listening and taking to heart the wisdom our parents and grandparents impart to us makes our lives fuller, richer and much less stressful.
What folk wisdom were you taught as a child?
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Richard Stride is the current CEO of Cascade Community Healthcare. He can be reached at docrs53@gmail.com.
