Among the many blessings of life, perhaps none is greater than being a parent. And perhaps none can feel as challenging at times.
As our two eldest children head into adulthood and our youngest now towers four inches taller than me, I’m getting into the “walk beside your child” stage rather than “leading the way.”
And yet, sitting in a few recent parenting classes at my church was an illuminating experience, bringing to mind all the goals that Sarah and I had when raising our kids as well as the ways we still want to support and guide them.
I’m writing this column halfway through a four-week parenting series. There are two more Wednesday evening classes available. If you’d like a little companionship and ideas from other parents, consider joining us at 7 p.m. on Wednesday evenings at Bethel Church, Chehalis, at Exit 72.
We’re hearing insights from parents of littles, teens and grown-ups. We’re talking about real life, from escaping the wreckage of our own broken homelife to dealing with raising kids in an era of omnipresent screens.
This week, Scott and Jeannie Collins talked about how they both came from homes of great dysfunction. One day as newlyweds, ages 21 and 20, so poor they could afford nothing for their apartment, they stood in their empty kitchen and drew an imaginary line on the floor.
On one side of that line, they decided, was the mess that they had both grown up in. They vowed not to let it into the family they were creating.
That dysfunction would die with them.
They held hands and stepped across that line.
Since then, with help from other families who could give them the positive parenting examples they had never experienced, they did their best to leave that trauma behind. Without being perfect, they set themselves on a track to become a transformational generation in their family lineage.
“You’ve got to be intentional,” Jeannie Scott said. “Who are we as a family? What do we want our children to do and be in 20 years? Then you start planning how you get there. We never relax and drift into something good. Your kids need you to be strong for them.”
Scott Collins reminded us that our eyes need to be on the future, not just the moment.
“We’re not raising kids,” he said. “We’re raising adults.”
Other parents have also spoken about becoming a transformational generation.
Jeremy and Amy Scott asked families what words they’d use to describe their childhood homes. We heard hard but true words like “alcoholism,” “chaos” and “sarcastic” along with memories like “fun,” “free range” and “high standards.”
We also talked about the words that would describe our homes today, words like “rushed,” “teeter-totter” and “emotional.”
And most importantly, the words we hold in our hearts about the kind of homes we want our kids to experience: “loving,” “fun,” “fruit of the Spirit,” “present and attentive,” and “holy.”
I’d advise all parents out there to sit with this question: What words do you want to describe the culture of your home? What changes will help you get there?
“Time is short,” Jeremy Scott said. “Our home is cultivating our kids.”
We talked about how to love and guide our children, how to pray with them and over them, how to be thoughtful about the outcome we want for our kids and our families.
We don’t need to be perfect, but we need to be intentional.
“Kids will learn from what we repeat, celebrate, ignore and what we work on,” Amy Scott said. “Make one small change. It gives us that victory we need to make another change. Start small and it’s going to end big and with big rewards.”
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Our public schools and community college also offer help for parents. The Chehalis School District’s Cornerstone program, for instance, just offered a “Love and Logic” class for parents, and similar classes are also available in Centralia. I’ll try to provide info on those classes in the future. If you have parenting support available, let me know. Let’s help each other do this greatest quest of our lives.
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Parents, you’re not in this alone. You’ll never do more important and life-affirming work than guiding your children with affection, warmth and encouragement. It can be tough, but stick with it. Take help when you need it from the wisdom of those around you.
You are shaping the future.
You are the one your kids need.
You were made for this.
Let’s do it.
Dad Joke of the Week
The dad wore a three-piece suit on Oct. 31 and his daughter asked him why he was looking so formal.
Dad: “I was told that people dress up for Halloween. So I dressed up.”
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Brian Mittge is a community enthusiast who has written for The Chronicle since 2000 as a reporter, editor and columnist. He can be reached at brianmittge@hotmail.com.
