Current conditions unavailable
We at the Chronicle hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving, and even though you are chowing down on some delightful mashed potatoes right now, we want to add even more to your plate.
Thanksgiving can be stressful sometimes, which is why we created this Thanksgiving FAQ:
Q: Why do we eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
A: Because bald eagles are protected, crows taste like sarcasm and chickens found a good lawyer.
Q: What’s the best way to prepare a turkey?
A: Emotionally. It’s about to be the center of attention and then immediately forgotten once pie arrives.
Q: How do I survive awkward family conversations?
A: Pretend you're doing a documentary. Narrate everything in your head like David Attenborough. If you want to get out of the family conversation, say you have to emotionally prepare the turkey.
Q: Is it okay to wear sweatpants to dinner?
A: Not only okay—it's strategic. Elastic waistbands are the unsung heroes of Thanksgiving. Don’t you want to be comfortable when awkward family conversations start?
Q: What’s the official start time for a Thanksgiving nap?
A: 17 minutes after your last bite of stuffing. Science has confirmed this. Or whenever the Cowboys fall behind by two touchdowns.
Q: What if I don’t like pumpkin pie?
A: You’ll be politely escorted out of the country by a squad of cinnamon sticks. Don’t you dare request Pecan Pie instead.
Q: How many side dishes is too many?
A: That question is offensive. There is no such thing.
Q: Can I bring a new dish to Thanksgiving?
A: Yes, but be prepared for Aunt Linda to glare at it like it insulted her casserole.
